May 27th, 2009

May 27th, 2009 was a day that I went through in numb shock. I was woken up to my mom(who was living with us at the time to get back on her feet) screaming. Scared I ran to Seamus' room, where she stayed, thinking that something had happened to him, only to see her on the phone crying. I knew the instant that I noticed Seamus wasn't in the room that something had happened to my Nana. Nana passed away an hour before they called (called my mom at 9am, they had some problems getting a hold of her). We never got to say goodbye. Nana had health problems, and just the month before, days before Kieran was born, she was in the hospital for her heart issues but was doing fine after they changed her meds. Needless to say her death was unexpected to all of us, and what made it worse was we were supposed to see her on Mothers day but she called the day before saying that she had church plans(she often canceled due to church plans). She only got to see Kieran twice before she passed, the first time was Easter, April 12th, and the second was a couple days before Mothers day when we had ran into her at Walmart and made the plans to see her on Mothers day. Its weird to think that its been a whole year without my Nana, she could get on my nerves but I think that was because we were/are so similar in thinking. I miss her and I don't think I will ever fully forgive myself for not trying to see her the day before Mothers day or after.
Forever my Nana, Audrey Gray, August 8th, 1934 - May 27th, 2009


Mom and Nana on our wedding day, September 1st, 2006



Nana on the left (Grammie, dad's mom on the right)



Seamus' first birthday party, July 14th, 2007



Taking us(Seamus and I) to the airport when we moved to Nebraska, November 10th, 2007

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Two weeks ago

Two weeks ago today, started just like any other day and I thought it would end just like any other day. Except for around 6pm something bad happened, and I ended up in the ER. I've never felt this stupid, odd, and "traumatized" before, labor with Seamus(nor the c-section with Kieran) wasn't this bad(not physically, really, more-so emotionally). When I woke up I didn't realize it'd been two weeks but then it hit me like a ton of bricks and now I keep going over what happened in my head over and over. I don't wish this feeling, these mixed emotions, on my worst enemy. I hope to never go through something like it again either.