The what ifs...

I sit here watching my children play, and I'm grateful for them. But at the same time I think of the What If's...What if the first baby would've made it? What if we would've have a girl first? What if that baby would've stuck, would we have gone to Texas or just stayed here? What if...

It's weird to think that we would have a 4yr old already. If that baby would've stuck and been a girl I wouldn't have my Shaymee. And now after recent events its odd to think that we would've most likely had another reason to be joyful at Christmas time. The mind wonders, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

But tonight I want to say I'm thankful for my children. I want to send hugs to those with infertility and those that have had losses, its never easy no matter who you are.


Our first angel, Due 4/16/2006, went to Heaven on August 12th, 2005 (5.5-6weeks)


Our second angel, Due mid-late December 2010, went to Heaven on April 20th, 2010 (unsure on gestation 5-8weeks but probably more like 6.5)

My Diaper Stash

I know I haven't updated in a while, had some personal things that happened and just starting to physically and emotionally get through them, but I have some posts lined up.
In the meantime I wanted to share my diaper stash. I'm quite proud of it, its taken months to get it to where I'm fairly happy with it. We started cloth diapering back in August '09 when Kieran was almost 4months old, and we were given a bunch of diapers by an awesome gal on JustMommies to help us out(sadly some have had elastic die :(). Since August I've learned what works for us and Kieran the best and I've been slowly revamping our stash, buying some here and there when we could and also from diaper giveaways I've won. It seems though diaper stashes are ever evolving and changing lol.

Here's all my pocket diapers(and my stack of wipes)

2 BG OS; one Grasshopper one Ribit, 3 CushyToosh OS; Light Green, Light Pink and Light Purple, 1 FuzziBunz medium; Apple, 1 FuzziBunz OS; pink, 1 Whamies; Red, 2 Nubunz; Red/Maroon and Aqua, 1 Dypes By Dixon; Minky, and 2 WHAM mom ones; Black and Blue (not pictured at the time a BumJoy red) for a total of 14 pocket diapers


Heres my mix lot of randoms

1 Banana Bottoms Medium, 2 BG AIO's in Zinnia, 2 GroBaby's; Blackberry and Mandarin, 2 made by me; Monkeys and Flowers, 1 BSRB, 1 Unknown WAHM


My prefolds, flats and covers

I have 6 Bummis Superbrites(not all pictured), 2 Bummis Whisper Wraps in Medium(one's missing), and 1 Small Bummis Whisper Wrap. 6 Newborn Indain Prefolds, had a dozen Gerber prefolds but recently threw some out, 6 Bummis Organic prefolds, 2 PB&E Flats, and 3 pre-fitteds(2 pictured)

And a couple days after these pictures were taken I got some fluffy mail. I'm also waiting on 3 Thirsties Duo cover's I won(kinda replacing the Bummis ones cause even in medium they are still too big on Kieran) and a Planetwise wet bag.


1 Tweedle Bugs in Minky Moo, 1 Rump-a-Rooz in Rootbear(won), a bottle of Eucalan wool wash in lavender (won a gc from a photo contest and thats how I got the wash and TB)


2 more BG AIO's one in Moonbeam the other in Zinnia



I also have some wool but pictures are taking forever to upload so just showing diapers for now lol

I'm actually thinking of getting rid of the CushyToosh ones because no matter how I do them they always droop on her and fall off. And I can't get the Banana Bottoms to fit right either :(

I have a post coming

I was going to post a tastey blog post yesterday but then some pretty bad feminine things happened (big possibility of a m/c even though most of the tests I took were neg(2 were light pos but it was hard to tell)) so it will be delayed a couple days.

Happy Birthday my baby girl!

My precious Kieran you are 1 today! You have gone from my tiny 6lb 13oz newborn (down to 5lbs 9oz at 2weeks old) to my 18lb even 12month old. It was an amazing year watching you grow and learn things, and for me to grow and learn how different you are from your brother(and how much easier you were!) You are the most laid back, sweetest little baby I've ever seen, preferring to watch everyone and observe your surroundings, then to run out into them. My silly, face making, goofy little girl, I love you and here's to many more years of watching you grow and learn!
<3 Mommy

Kieran's Birth Story

This is exactly how I wrote it on April 19th, 2009.

Monday April 6th I had my 38week OB appt. I see 3 different OB's sense they dont know who would be on call if I went into labor on my own. One OB the week before had said it was ok to deliver at 38weeks 3days so we scheduled the c-section for the 8th of April the previous week. At my appt Monday I saw a different OB and he was worried about doing the c-seciton at 38weeks 3days(it would be him doing the section) so he said #1 we either wait till 39weeks and have issues with dh's work or #2 do steroid shots. He was worried about delivering her so soon due to the GD and the issues with lung development in GD babies. Dh and I opted for the steroid shots. The first shot was at 1pm Monday then the second was at 8am Tuesday morning.

Tuesday night I had to wash with some nasty smelling stuff called hibbaclense(sp?) and then wasnt' allowed to use conditioner for 24hrs prior to the surgery or any products that contained Alochol as an ingredent due to possible fire hazzards in the OR.

We woke up at 4:30am on Wed. morning and I had to again wash with this stuff, supposed to help reduce the chance of infections. We left for the hospital at 5am and got there at 5:15am, got checked in at the ER/registeration desk, then waddled my little butt up to L&D (I dennyed a wheelchair sense I wouldnt be able to walk for 24hrs after the surgery). We get up to L&D and they tell me go to room 6...we get in there and I relize that it looks really similar to the room we had Seamus in and then dh starts laughing and said its the same room that Seamus was born in. There was 5 nurses waiting in my room when we got there. I got my gown and monitors on, then they started all the questions sense I haddn't registered this time, and they started the IV.

I guess my office does this thing where they take a huge vial of blood(appx 6" long and 1.5-2in wide) and do something to it and in surgery they spray it on the paitent and its supposed to speed up the healing process, so they got the huge vial of blood from me and then got the IV and antibiotics started. The doctor comes in around 6:30ish with a portable u/s machine to check that she was still breech, during the u/s she had her head in my left side just under my ribs and her feet on my right side in the middle between my ribs and hip, her back was facing down towards my cervix. The OB gave us the option one more time to try a version but he also wasnt' too sure about it because of her odd possition, dh was competely agains it and I wasnt' much for one either so we dennyed it.

The OR room was right next door to the room I was in so they have me walk into the OR room around 7:05am and help me on the table. Man that room was freezing and it didnt' help my shakes from being nervous. I got the spinal placed, so much eaiser then the epi was with Seamus. The lyed me down and then hooked up these things to my legs like giant blood pressure cuffs to help from getting blood clotts sense I woudlnt' be walking/using my legs for around 24hrs. Then they placed the cathader..I wasnt' completely numb so I felt a small pinch but not horrible painful. They call dh in at 7:38am and he sits there, then next thing I know I here 7:51am then "congrats". They called dh over to trim up the cord, and then she started crying, her apgars were 9/9 slightly better then Seamus' who was born at 39weeks 6days.

They let dh bring her over to me for about 10minutes then they take her back to the room, and do all her cleaning and weighing and such. They came back in around 8:30 and told me she was 6lbs 13oz and 19.5in long, way smaller then she looked and almost exactly a pound smaller then the u/s on Monday had predicted.

They finally got done with me at 8:58am, all while I'm itching like mad in my eyes and nose. The itching I guess is a side effect from this medication they put in the spinal called duramorph(sp?), it was freggin horrible to itch that bad and not able to itch it. I was wheeled to recovery then asked if I wanted to rest or see the baby, sense my bp was doing great. Of course I wanted to see the baby. They brought her to me and she nursed for 20minutes!! I got to the recovery PP room at around 10:20am PST, and dh and the baby where there waiting for me.

I was starving when I got to the PP recovery room sense I haddn't eaten sense 10pm the night before and asked for food. I got some grape juice and water, I wasnt' allowed food. Thank goodness I didnt' get food..About 20 minutes after I drank the grape juice I puked it all up, another side effect from the meds. Even with the pain meds it hurt like heck to be puking. I found out from dh that she was really 6lbs 12.9oz but they rounded it to 13oz instead.

Later that afternoon I felt better and wanted to try to eat so my mom ordered me some jello and chicken broth from the cafitera (dh was gone with Seamus getting me a nursing pillow sense we haddn't had the chance to get one before hand) and I slowly ate the jello and felt great...about 20minutes later again I puked it all up. Finally the nurse offered me some anti nausia meds, and of course took them, and dh brought me a frosty from wendys and I ate that fell asleep and felt great by 7pm/dinner time, and ate dinner (chicken strips and brocoli) and kept it down just fine.
I lucked out and my first nurse in the PP recovery was my brother's girlfriends mom.

I got the blood pressure thingys taken off my legs on Thursday morning and was told to get up about an hour or so after the cathader was taken out to try to pee, the nurse helped me walk, I felt like I'd been riding a horse for hours but it wasnt' too horrible to walk thanks to the pain meds.
I spent most of Thursday by myself with Kieran because my mom had to work that day and dh had to stay home with Seamus till 11:30pm.

I got to go home on Friday, one of the OBs(not the one that did the section but the one that delivered Seamus) said I could go home at 7am when he came to see me but I had to have a bowel movement first...I haddn't yet. At 12ish I had to get a lovely enema and finally went about 15minutes later. We got to leave at 1:30pm. It was horribley painful in the car. The main street by the hospital, a highway, has horrible potholes and every one was super painful when the car went over it(Thankfully they are redoing the hwy).

Been doing pretty good at home the first few days were bad, was taking my pain meds every 6hrs on the dot. Thankfully dh has been off work all week, I'm now able to go 8-9hrs between pain meds and the OB gave me a script for a lower dosage of pain meds to start taking(was taking percocet(sp?) now with hydro's)

Kieran Elizabeth
7:51am Pacific Standard Time
6lbs 13oz
19½inches long
Blonde hair blue eyes

A Year ago

This time last year I was doing the last few things around the house(laundry, and dishes) and making sure my bags were packed. It was also the last day as a mommy of 1, so I tried to spend most of the day just me and Seamus, even had him sleep with me in bed that night. Its weird to think a year has already gone by, it seems like Kieran has been here for ever but not at the same time.
Here is my last belly shot, 38weeks 3days, taken just after I got out of the shower. I had to wash with this special soap the hospital gave me to clean my tummy off to help prepare for the c-section.

Wordless Wednesday: Easter

(Kieran's 2nd Easter and Seamus' 4th)